30.07.09
Australian Immigration explains lack of hippo racing and other weird facts
'Hippo racing is not popular in Australia'.
These responses to genuine tourist queries were posted on an Australian Tourism Website. The answers were actually published and were the answers of tourist ‘experts’ who either have a great sense of humour or a low tolerance of cretins!
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? ( UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
… Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do…
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum.
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first
Published by Matt Jones in Global Visas
July 31st, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Excellent post ! I am still shaking from laughter !!! Thanks !
July 31st, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Ha! Funny stuff. There are certainly a lot of dumb Americans. But it goes both ways, too. I’ll never forget being asked by the Aussie tourist visiting here in Dallas, “This is the street Kennedy was shot, right? Where are the blood stains?”
Ha. We should pass a law that does not allow travel outside of our respective countries under a certain IQ threshold.
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 am
LOL, very funny answers
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Bill – I suspect the Aussie who asked you where the blood stains were was making a joke. Because Australians tend to have a dry sense of humour, north americans sometimes think that… Oh forget it. Yes, where are the blood stains?
August 15th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
[...] Global Visas claims that these are genuine tourist queries that were posted on an Australian Tourism Website. The answers were actually published and were the answers of tourist ‘experts’ who either have a great sense of humour or a low tolerance of cretins! [...]
August 31st, 2009 at 8:01 am
Mmm I’ve herd the exact same answers for an Indian tourist board, must be a meme doing the rounds
September 9th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I actually got an e-mail about the same stuff, but instead it was for Canada!